Last year at this time I was entering “body not operating as expected” zone. Know that one? Pain in my left hip increasing in severity and everything I knew not creating the shift needed. I was yet to travel to Italy, seek out physical therapy from someone other than me and obtain that illuminating X-ray. I had no idea the hell I was going to go through from Labor Day through Thanksgiving, before things would begin to shift for the better. I am recalling this right now and remembering that the potential for change—good or bad—is alive in every moment. Wondering what life has in store.
Just so you know, I am doing very well in this moment, physical healing continues steady and enlightening. The other day I read this line in Wisdom of the Body Moving by Linda Hartley: “Bone is living tissue subject to change and renewal. The whole skeleton is in fact entirely renewed over a period of two years.” O.K. Let that factoid sink in, possibly re-read that line. This offers such hope for us all and completely validated key pieces of my own journey. By placing accurate stress on particular body structures with intentional movement, we can manifest change. I see it every day—in my patients, in my students, in myself. Over and over.
Of course, working with the physical channel reveals parallel energetic threads, if we are willing to pay close attention. Our response to disability and the way we approach our own self-care…well, as the saying goes, “the way we do one thing is the way we do everything”. I watched myself in the spiral of denial, the doldrums of despair, the surrender of acceptance, the zeal of taking myself on. I watched my patience come and go, my focus waver between open-ended curious and automatic I-can’t-assess-this- anymore pilot, my discipline skiing on a slope of gentle servant to drill sergeant. And despite all the shenanigan moments, there has been almost a very full year of fairly consistent follow through. The results at times astound me and at other times, seem predictable. I will comparative X-ray in October and see how well this bone, this living tissue has renewed.
But the way I feel is more than enough evidence for me to keep on keeping on. The other night I dreamed I was standing on a shoreline when a humongous wave engulfed me. My feet were planted firm in gritty sand; I was shaken but strongly held my ground. When I looked over my shoulder, another way bigger wave was approaching. I was not afraid in the dream, but my own whimpering awakened me. We assign meaning to these night visitations. Who knows? Is there yet another physical challenge coming my way? Or is this a professional reading. I thought of how in 2002 the wild call of the dance swept over me in such a big way, whisked me right out of the safety of my clinical world. All of my chosen education since has been in the realm of dance and yoga. Now I stand on the brink of two educational experiences that pull me back to my roots. Is this the second wave? Through this collapsed left side body experience I am getting increasingly strong messages to nurture the yin, slow it way down, produce less, rest more. Is this the second wave?
See above…the potential for change—good or bad—is alive in every moment. We never know what life has in store. We are all poised on the shoreline awaiting the second wave. I am grateful for a practice or two that supports me in being with thing the way they are. What else can we do?