if you’re human…

I woke this morning knowing full well we were in for a chart-topping heat day.  Snuggled into my pillow and recalled my daily walk-an-hour commitment.  Knew full well I needed to get up and go NOW if I had any hope of completing this task.  And I lay there terminally blah, my utter resistance to rise at the forefront of my experience.  In the end, I did not go.  Not only did I succumb to the refusal, I reveled in the glory of my rebellion.

A perfect example of prajna paradha, Sanskrit for crime against wisdom.  This word actually names what we all gut-recognize: our natural, organic human tendency to turn away from what we know is best for us.  You might want to re-read that last line.  Yup, aryuvedic practitioners had this universal condition dialed in 5,000 years ago.  And if you’re human, you deal with it on the regular.  Each of us in our own way. 

I’ve participated in countless, often tender, post-class closing circles.  Last night two people relayed an oft-repeated story: hard core lack of motivation to attend class.  How their mind told them they were too tired or too busy or too bored or (fill in the blank). How they had to overcome inertia and drag themselves in. How that tired-busy-bored-(fill in blank) tale turned out to be unreliable.  How grateful they were for the persistence that delivered them. How they loved the practice, how good they felt in these precious closing moments.

Prajna paradha often masquerades as “stuck in the mud” but it is a tricky devil.  It can also present as total overdrive.  With which I am actually more familiar.  Knowing full well we need to pause but relentlessly pushing through anyway.  Whatever guise it wears, slug or Eveready bunny, we make less than optimal decisions under the influence of prajna paradha.  When we let it take the wheel, temporary feel- good action often ensues, but lasting fulfillment can consistently remain elusive.

Okay then, if it’s an unavoidable fact of life, how to deal?  For sure one thing never works: whips and chains and all variations thereof.  Negative self-talk.  Berating ourselves.  I told you so’s.  Promises about the future.  Dredging up past failures.  My favorite remedy these days is a single word:  sweetheart.    As in “Oh sweetheart, it’s OK.  You’re doing the human best you can.  Breathe, let go, stay curious, sweetheart.”  In prajna paradha moments we’re in such good company.  And it’s a relief to remember that.  Nothing is wrong.

These potent moments are fruitful to track.  They beg us to steer clear of negativity and instead lean into curiosity. What choices lie in wait below easy access temptress prajna paradha?  If it’s a crime against wisdom what might the virtue of wisdom look like?  In these moments I have a go at juggling two concepts at once.  In one hand I lightly hold the compassionate forgiveness of prajna paradha.   In the other hand, I steadily hold my teacher Gabrielle Roth’s simplest of questions:

“Do you have the discipline to be a free spirit?”

This juggle invites the most delicate of dances, a balancing act extraordinaire to simultaneously hold both notions.  But somewhere in the fits and starts of that balancing dance we will find our unique way.  Whatever it is.  Hopefully a path that ever more consistently leaves us feeling nurtured and satisfied. It’s why I go to class.  It’s why I teach class.  Because I totally believe it takes discipline to be a free spirit.  And I still believe it takes discipline even when I don’t have any.  That’s why I practice.

❤️Bella