no magic bullets...11-10-20
All last week I waited. Paralyzed. Obsessed by a future hanging in the balance. Where were you Saturday when the election news came down? I bet we’ll always remember. I was buying poblano peppers at the Ferry Building Market in San Francisco. A sun drenched crowd erupted in spontaneous acclaim. I love California.
The three day time warp that has since passed highlights a recurring personal reality. Though I wish I could be a more transcendent being, the dread of waiting never spontaneously shifts to the joy of get-up-and-go. I watched the impromptu celebrations across the globe, an observer of elation. I could not feel it.
I danced in the garden Sunday morning, utterly present to moments of community jubilation. I could not authentically get on board. I wept into the grass. Four years of tonnage, magnified by the massive load of these last eight months, has talons firmly hooked into my back body. So much weight pulling me under. It was blister cold out there, wind plucking leaves off ever-willing trees. I did my best to surrender like that, released a big hunk of burden under a witnessing sky. As much as I could through the power of practice. It felt infinitesimal compared to the millstone remaining.
I know I’m not alone in experiencing the effects of unrelenting trauma. Trauma that is not going to resolve itself just because the current political drama has potential to improve. When a tidal wave of world and human events is this formidable, what’s a body to do? How do we honor the truth of our internal experience and not resist or hide or freeze? How do we stay in the moving current and continue to ride with the flow?
I wish there was some magic bullet to offer here. Time. It will pass. And as it does we do what we must. Breathe. Stay present. Feel. Tell the truth. Move. Connect. Repeat. I have a fair degree of discipline, yet I cannot do this alone all the time. I also need to do all this with you. I need both. This week we have five times to do this together. You know about virtual Essentials Thursday and Friday morning. You know we have a committed group moving together live on Wednesday night. You know about Sundays, virtual and live.
What you don’t know about is this Saturday morning’s Dance Essentials (info at page bottom). I’ve never done this on Zoom before. This is a total trial run, a free offering, a let’s give it a whirl and see if we like it kind of thing. This is 90 minutes of what is often my personal studio practice. Awesome music playing, foam rolling and tennis ball-ing, breathing and feeling together. Then we get up and dance awhile, enjoy fluid, expressive, shaking it all out bodies, hearts, minds. Then we stretch it all loose and long together and finally drop into full surrender rest. Details on equipment for class. Yum. I hope you can join me.
So, O.K., no magic bullets. But check this out: take thirty seconds to open your mouth and make some random sound as you wiggle your jaw around. Add in vigorously shaking your hands and stamping your feet. Pause. What is that remarkable sensation? That is life force. And it's moving through you. Imagine a 90 minute practice. Let's do it.
Love, Bella