a fall from/to grace…
I love my far-flung wide reach of a newsletter. Maybe you are a reader. This when-whimsy-strikes blog spurns me to spout on wide-ranging fancy-tickling topics. But this is different; sometimes I just want to connect with those of you I’ve personally served as patients and yoga students over the last 20 years. The deeply embodied way in which we have connected compels me to carry you close to my heart. Because I get it. These bodies. So incredibly challenging at times.
If you’ve been following the other when-whimsy-strikes blog you know I took a terrifying fall mid-July. The physical healing continues; everyday I can more easily bear weight on my left hand. I had help from both a massage therapist and physical therapist. But mainly it has been me. Showing up for me. Sometimes with overwhelming curiosity and enthusiasm. Sometimes with aching despair. Sometimes, in a huff of disgust, not at all. Just like you.
So utterly focused was I on the physical—the pain, the inability to do normal life, the tightness and weakness—that the trauma to my heart, to my psyche just lurked unacknowledged in the backdrop. Over the last few weeks I’ve slowly titrated it in. Allowing myself to remember and sense the gut wrenching moment of impact. Breathing. Shaking. Softening. And letting the story quietly whisper it’s message: I am aging, falls are the beginning of the end for many elders, I am indeed way closer to the end than even the middle. It has turned a page on my mortality.
Because this fall dropped me so immediately, so completely into the healing experience, those whispers relayed inspiration, as well. To witness body, heart and mind engage in the wonder of reparation and to expertly partner with this innate ability…this is wisdom that has taken a lifetime to draw from. The fall and its aftermath affirms why I am still at work in the world. I recently heard an interview with a 102 year old still working physician who said research indicates that lack of purpose is our biggest health risk factor as we age. We can exercise and eat well and sleep eight hours. But when we no longer hear our calling and act in accordance we invariably begin to fail. Practicing the art of healing is one of my most important reasons for being here.
These quiet spaces in which you and I meet, your peaceful home mat are the very places we latch on to purpose, intentions which shift and change over a long lifetime. It is in the stillness we identify the magic elixir of destiny, know why we were born into this one wild and precious life, what might remain to be and to do. I’m here to support the physical healing and all that opens for us when we step into that arena.
I still see one or two physical therapy patients a day up in my East Sac studio. I love that geography is no longer a hindrance and have honed skills to serve you via Zoom. Sometimes synchronicity happens in that studio: this last couple weeks many of you came with shoulder and neck challenges. Check out this new triplet of video shorts for a teeny taste of what is often included as we heal this region.
Our collaborative Friday morning live offering Release & Realign has been going for almost one year now. I am either up front teaching or (if I’m in town) on my mat receiving with you. Kim Wagaman, Jeanne Munoz and myself—we are listening. We hear that you love the variety in the teaching and the structure of this unique 90 minute offering: the guidance of breath as we dive in to what needs release via the toys, really tapping the core depths to find strength, symmetry and balance (so uber-dedicated to balance practice!), the luxury of time devoted to stretch…and sometimes even a yoga pose or two to boot.
I know Friday mornings don’t work for all. I am just starting to plan a Saturday workshop for January, 2024. Stay tuned. The deeply embodied way in which we connect keeps you close to my heart. Because I get it. These bodies. So incredibly challenging at times. I’m 100% here to compassionately partner with you whenever you feel good and ready.
❤️Bella