underneath all that…
We have gloriously unique personalities. Not to get too psychobabble, perhaps another word for that is ego. Sense of identity. Emotional style. Your default face. Early experience shapes the characteristic way we respond to what life throws our way. And if we’ve been paying attention, if we’ve done even rudimentary excavation of what makes us tick, our character type becomes a known. I love the Enneagram with it’s nine basic personality types. We might think we are oh so original, but there is nothing new under the sun.
Sometimes I fantasize about being blissfully unaware. But once the cat is out of the bag, there’s no turning back. We start to listen to the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and why we behave the way we do. As we move through adulthood, the stories get cemented in our bones. Our bodies move through so much. The “issues in the tissues” just keep accumulating as the decades pass. When I relinquish my injured elbow story, divorce myself from the opinion I hold about my belly, take a step sideways from my crooked spine---well, what lies underneath that? I’m interested in what is alive below the stories.
When we experience the ego thru a 5Rhythms practice lens we begin to notice that these bodies can be revelatory about the shenanigans of our personality. We see the way certain moves repeat and repeat. We gather clues. And then, in a moment of grace, we drop below the story. And how about all those stories we make up about each other? We can be such judgmental creatures. All this comparing and evaluating---a habit so rooted in early survival. On the dance floor, we notice how trance-trapped we are. The dance invites us to look deeply into the mystery of true identity.
When I drop the thousand and one stories beating in the ventricles of my heart, tales that have hounded me, restricted me, dared me, delighted me, horrified me for daunting decades---well, what lies underneath that? Can I glimpse the divine essential nature resting beneath the face, the story, the habits? I, for one, after all these years of living in close proximity, am vaguely bored with my personality. The dance is a luminous escape from its entrancement.
And when I go upstairs, enter that non-stop vacuous ballroom, ping pong obsessions bounce off every wall, every predictable manifestation of thought repeats like a skipping record---well, what is underneath that? When I drop every well-worn mental construct into the deep well of humanity, what, dear god, is left?
This is why I dance. I remember Gabrielle admonishing us: keep checking on who is driving the car. Ego at the wheel? Give a big thank you for keeping you safe. That’s his job. Then just invite him to relinquish the wheel and move on into the backseat. Because underneath the ego’s BIG concern, is something way more juicy. In the practice map, that 4th rhythm holds the car keys to soul, authenticity embodied. Our destiny. Not our personality but our purpose for being here this time around.
And rhythm #5? The sacred potential of connection with the spirit moving through all beings, the ultimate transpersonal zone. And when I drop into that place there is no me and no you, there is simply the holiness of us. That’s what’s underneath all that.
And this medicine saved me this week. Because we are surrounded by BIG stories right now that are seeping into our very bloodstreams. Our world is full of BIG egos run amuck. In the last newsletter I wrote about my own nervous system run ragged by it all. I took a 10 day break from the news. I didn’t die from it. And I’m super slowly titrating my way back in fresh ways. Gone are the days of coffee and the paper in the morning. Carefully choosing where and when I gather info. No screens after 8:00 p.m. Taking the time necessary to care for a frazzled nervous system.
Look, this is not a convenient segway moment. This is current reality. It is so unusual for me to find myself outside my nervous system’s window of tolerance. It took all the knack I had last week to move back into a healthy space. And that is exactly the tool kit we’re building in Tending Your Dancing Body. I hope you can join us Feb 28-March 2. If you need financial assistance, please inquire! I can guarantee that by Sunday afternoon you will be tenderized and ready for everything that is coming down. With real life skills you can turn to when needed.
We need the stories. We just don’t need them 24/7. This is an invitation to allow yourself the gift of dwelling in the present moment. Guess where it is? Underneath.
❤️Bella